“A prisoner of panic” by Lisa Buddrige
This is in fond memory of the life of a dear friend Lisa Buddrige [nee Rotherham] who passed peacefully into the presence of her Lord Jesus Christ on the 29th March 2006. Many family and friends packed the chapel at Pinnaroo Valley Memorial Park W.A. to pay their last respects in this life to a fine Christian woman who “fought the good fight, ran the race and is now out of all her suffering.” Not least of all was her ever - loving, ever-committed and faithful husband David who I have known for some years. From a personal note, I remember the last time I saw her alive and said goodbye, hoping to catch up again soon. Despite her illness she wanted to treat me to a home made lunch which I remember was extra special as she had made it according to my food allergy specifications. Lisa struggled with panic attacks, a very real and debilitating disease. Some time before she died she wrote an article for THE ENCOURAGER called A prisoner of panic and I include this here. It first appeared in it’s printed newsletter in September 2002. Lisa Buddrige. A life well lived. Colourful - Dave Longworth
“Every day is a day of terror, just fighting for the chance to make things better.Terror because I face each day with panic and anxiety just to do the simple things that most take for granted. With the thought of leaving the house, answering the door or phone being so threatening for me. A walk to the letterbox often takes me most of the afternoon because I live in the fear that, just going outside my front door something bad will happen to me, or that someone will see me.
I am lucky that I have a very supportive husband and a loving mother and father-in-law. David (my husband) looks after me and when he is not there, he takes me to his in laws and they look after me. I leave the house only to go to my in-laws and to go out to appointments and occasionally to the shops.
A panic attack for me begins with a tightening of the chest, then shaking, sweating, hyperventilating and then come the feelings of suffocation and death. I spend a lot of time fearing having panic attacks because they are debilitating. I have an average of 7 panic attacks a day- and sometimes as many as 25. Each attack lasts 2-5 minutes, but feels like it lasts half an hour or more. I know many people who do not believe that depression and anxiety are ‘real illnesses’, but I would like to challenge any person on this because I can’t honestly believe that anyone would want to put themselves through this type of torture every day just for the sake of it. I tell you, there is nothing I would like to do more than to go to the shops or to the cinema without having these panic attacks.
Living with this is like living in a prison. I am a prisoner in my own home, missing out as life passes me by. I am a prisoner of panic. I am told that it is possible to overcome panic disorder, but it takes time. Medication helps a little but in the end it is a long process to overcome it.” Lisa Nichole Buddrige. 25th November 1975 - 29th March 2006 Sadly missed by many…….looking forward to meeting again. Lisa……now you are free.
At Lisa’s memorial service we read from some of her favourite bible verses and some of her favourite music which she listened to as she went to sleep at night. Bible verses ; Psalm 139: 1-18 and Psalm 116: 12-19
Lisa’s entry music was Live Forever by Michael.W. Smith. As the song One of these days sung by group Far from Home was played we were given the chance to say our last respects or leave a flower on the casket. It was one of Lisa’s favourite songs. Finally we heard Lisa’s victory song Stay by Luke Munns, after her committal to the Lord.
Further help for people with panic attacks: There is a book called ”Living with IT. A survivors guide to panic attacks, by Bev Aisbett. Published by Angus and Robertson. www.harpercollins.com.au It’s not a Christian book but it’s a quick, easy read for the aproximate 5% of the population who struggle with this disease at some point. The author has had first hand experience and it’s full of cartoons as well.