I looked death in the face and found God!
I nearly died. In the six weeks from November 2002 to 1st January 2003 I nearly died three times. The first time was not suicidal although I have written as the others were. I don’t remember in full what I was facing at the times and I don’t aim to focus on death, sucidal tendencies and dying, but I believe the issues are important because many face them, sadly even some Christians.
Obviously suicide isn’t the answer to problems as no matter how the person concerned may feel, many are left behind in deep pain and questions after suicide or even an attempt.
However those weren’t my thoughts at the time and I was taken to hospital by ambulance, things that have never been attention seeking or a stunt. Despite going through busy uncomfortable hospitals, God was with me all the time. I don’t suggest suicide to anyone, but if you need help please seek help from the appropriate authorities such as on the links page of this site.
After one attempt on my life God gave me these verses and others in Psalm 139 “I can never escape from your spirit! I can never get away from your presence! If I go up to heavenyou are there;if I go down to the place of the dead you are there.” Psalm 139 v 7 – 8 I stared death in the face and found God there. But that is not a a good place to test him. I don’t suggest you do it as you may not have the gift of life like I do. How appropriate those words were.
Though one day soon after all this happened I was feeling particuarl low so I rang a friend who prayed after I asked her to for me. I cried, she prayed although she felt useless to help God worked quickly and both my two case workers at the time {one a Christian} called offering help. One set up for my chemist to have all my tablets and repeat prescriptions, helping me not to overdose, giving me weekly and sometimes daily supplies something I have kept to this day, even when shifting home to be on the safe side. The spiritual and the physical worked together.
Then, after my phone calls of support and prayer I had a great time alone with God. For someone who has never felt suicidal I can understand that it’s hard to comprehend how someone can get that low in depression but unfortunately many do. However I am living proof that you can come out the other side of constantly feeling depressed. I don’t think I can seriously say I will never feel depressed again or possibly not even never suicidal again. It’s a long journey out but there is recovery from suicidal tendencies. For me it meant counselling and realising that God loves me just as I am, despite my percieved imperfections….HE still loves ME! It’s a long journey but one that God is prepared to take with you. All it takes is you admitting you have a need. Seek him, Seek help. You may want to start with one of the links on this site,one of the groups………or you may need hospitilisation. Whatever seek that help. God will be there to meet you as he did me. Colourful Dave